loneliness

By: sally on Saturday, April 09, 2005

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i changed my template to this one.i haven't finished editing it though. somehow, this template matches my mood since yesterday. it's the title that made me choose this template," catch a falling star". sounds like what i feel right now, falling star, or even worst, it's what has been happening to me right now..

i wont post this to my LJ account. i don't have the courage to do so. i feel so down since yesterday. i even cried because i felt too guilty of what happened. to the people involved, i'm really sorry for what i did. i didn't intend to make the two of you fight or get angry towards each other. it's all my fault. i should'nt have said anything. sorry guys..i just want to help, but i think what i did was to mess things up.

guilt, loneliness,rejection..thess are the feelings that are inside of me..i don't know. somehow i felt that i am alone. that the people i care and enjoy being with will eventually dislike me..i felt scared that i ruined everything yesterday. i'm really sorry. to others who did understand thank you so much. i'm not making this thing a big issue but i want you to know that i did not intend this to happen. and i will always love you guys. hope nothing will change.

here i go again with my realizations..

kapag sobrang saya mo, malungkot ka na mamaya..
i know believe this saying. i was really happy the other day. until the time i went to bed, i just can't help but smile because i feel light and accomplished. but then, by what happened yesterday, everything was reversed. i had this certain issue that i feel i'm still too sensitive to talk about. and that issue had eaten me yesterday. now i know that when i feel to happy, something will eventually happen that will make me feel the opposite..

grades do matter ..sometimes.
i am the person who believes that people are not measured by the numbers you see in their report cards. i still do, yet you can't blame me if i feel less skilled when companies look for good grades.how will i be able to enter those companies in my priority list if they will keep on basing our performance in our grades? oh well maybe i should have studied harder. there's nothing i can do anymore.

having someone who will always be there will make you feel special..
i'm not talking about that special someone here. what i mean is, if there's somebody whom you can tell everything that you think, feel and ponder about will make you feel that someone would always understand what you do. some sort of a best friend, or anyone you feel will share your happiness, laughter, your pain and your tears. this is what i realized when i watched his and her circumstances. every girls in class hated yuki (main female character), but as long as her boyfriend/bestfriend is there, she feels that she can survive everything. i wish i have that someone with me right now. someone whom i can share my teleserye type of life.

you can't please everyone..
an old saying, reminded by his and her circumstances again. that anime teaches me a lot of things, ei? this is what i need to remember always. that no matter what i do, someone will always feel unsatisfied for who i am. that there will always be a person that will dislike me. and that is what i can't stand. i don't want to be hated, and i can't take rejection when smacked on my face. di parin ako sanay, my friend always tells me. siguro nga dapat na akong masanay..